So I generally have a tendency to be a pathological liar about personal facts when first getting to know someone just in case the person is some axe murderer or stalker. I also tend to be easily discouraged in interpersonal relationships, so I'm generally more reactive and less enthusiastic if I don't sense directly that I am welcomed and wanted in people's lives. Thinking that these two factors together might be very distance-producing in dating situations, I thought I'd go against my nature and try some active truths and enthusiasm. And this was the result...
first date:
HIM: (asks simple question about my parents)
ME: (reply with entire monologue about my childhood and family history)
HIM: ...
ME (realizing that might be more than he asked for): Oh, was that too much information?
HIM: Yes.
ME: (energetic transition into different topic)
--
HIM: (time for goodbye, looks at me blankly)
ME: Should we hug or something? (weird hug like we're frat brothers) This was fun! We should go out again soon. How about an art museum?
HIM: I'll call you tomorrow. (said like an interviewer, leaves awkwardly)
last date:
BOTH: (scintillating conversation about our similarities in almost all areas of life)
HIM: (simple observation about an ornament on my desk)
ME: (discourse on the origins of each object in the vicinity and what they mean to me, then realizing this again might be too much information) Oh, sorry was I just rambling?
HIM: A little bit. (silence, then suddenly takes my hand and starts playing with it)
--
HIM: (time for goodbye, looks at me blankly)
ME: (in my head) Wow, this part will never not be awkward with us. (stepping closer to make it easier to initiate physical intimacy)
BOTH: (some awkwardness ensued)
ME: Let's go mountain climbing next time! Maybe next week.
HIM: (silence)
after not communicating for a few days:
after not communicating for a few days:
(normally I just move on, but no still on this truth and enthusiasm kick)
ME: (email about liking our rapport, some stuff going on in my life, and my determination to spend more time together -- kind of a long email)
HIM: (exact reply email) While I found our dates very enjoyable, I think we lack some sort of chemistry. I don’t think we should continue dating. Good luck with your life.
ME: (immediate reaction) WTF?!?! with this chemistry nonsense! That’s what I get for trying! Lesson = no more truth and enthusiasm from me! Oh great, now I'm sad. (half an hour later) That was perhaps the most straightforward and diplomatic breakups I've ever experienced. Good closure. No messy drama. No blaming. Final with no room for confusion. But still fair and amicable. There needs to be more like this.
conclusion: I think we actually might have worked had he been more willing to stick it out and I been less overwhelming. I mean, we're both perceiving rationals. Both share a love of debate and a playful flexible air. Frickin' three out of four letters! Plus the complimentary E/I dichotomy! Though, the double P combination did make us very indecisive together, which might get annoying if I end up always being the one having to initiate stuff by default of my E since we're equal in other dimensions (NTP). That places the burden of responsibility on me, which the P in me will not want. Still, I don't see this as that great an obstacle in the end, but who knows. Oh but the double T combination, on the other hand, especially with his I+T, intimacy was near impossible. I can't even imagine what two INTPs together would be like. But this awkwardness probably improves with time?
pro: Natural verbal flow (despite my over-sharing), immediate understanding.
con: Physical awkwardness (characteristic of two Ts attempting intimacy), don't try this at home.
ME: (email about liking our rapport, some stuff going on in my life, and my determination to spend more time together -- kind of a long email)
HIM: (exact reply email) While I found our dates very enjoyable, I think we lack some sort of chemistry. I don’t think we should continue dating. Good luck with your life.
ME: (immediate reaction) WTF?!?! with this chemistry nonsense! That’s what I get for trying! Lesson = no more truth and enthusiasm from me! Oh great, now I'm sad. (half an hour later) That was perhaps the most straightforward and diplomatic breakups I've ever experienced. Good closure. No messy drama. No blaming. Final with no room for confusion. But still fair and amicable. There needs to be more like this.
conclusion: I think we actually might have worked had he been more willing to stick it out and I been less overwhelming. I mean, we're both perceiving rationals. Both share a love of debate and a playful flexible air. Frickin' three out of four letters! Plus the complimentary E/I dichotomy! Though, the double P combination did make us very indecisive together, which might get annoying if I end up always being the one having to initiate stuff by default of my E since we're equal in other dimensions (NTP). That places the burden of responsibility on me, which the P in me will not want. Still, I don't see this as that great an obstacle in the end, but who knows. Oh but the double T combination, on the other hand, especially with his I+T, intimacy was near impossible. I can't even imagine what two INTPs together would be like. But this awkwardness probably improves with time?
pro: Natural verbal flow (despite my over-sharing), immediate understanding.
con: Physical awkwardness (characteristic of two Ts attempting intimacy), don't try this at home.
lol, physical awkwardness of T's, I can definitely relate.
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