Cooking Expedition

Interactions among a group of Ns are pretty amusing. The endless non-sequiturs alone. Here's footage of a food-related gathering with the ENTP, the INTP, an INFP, and an ENTJ in dialogue form:

the ENTP: [holding giant knife and bar of cheddar, waving knife around casually to gesticulate speech]
the INTP: [recording, mimics "Psycho" music]
the ENTP: [oblivious to this, posing for picture] Oh, you're recording? I was holding for a photo.
INFP: Where did those Premium crackers go?
the INTP: [looking at cutlets of meat] That doesn't look like Premium crackers.
INFP: No, this. [grabs box of crackers]
ENTJ: I'm on number two [about beer].
the ENTP: Can that be sent to me via email? [about recording]
INFP: Tastes like shit! [about beer]
the ENTP: What kind of file is it? [about recording]
INFP: [noticing the ENTP waving knife around in his direction] Whoa this!
the INTP: Yeah, I know. I gotta stay away from you [about the ENTP's disregard for knife safety]
ENTJ: OHH! The server's down! [about computer game] Oh, no it's not.
the INTP: Well, I use VLC [about recording].
the ENTP: What's that?
the INTP: [wondering curiously] Uh, what does it stand for? ENTJ, what does that stand for?! VLC.
ENTJ: [dismissively] Nerd shit.
the INTP: [excitedly] INFP! What does it stand for?! VLC!
INFP: Hmm, VLC. I forget, sorry.
the INTP: Eh, it's just VLC then. [seeing the ENTP walking pass] AHH!! You have a big knife in your hand!
the ENTP: You already knew this.
the INTP: Yes, but it came closer to me.
the ENTP: [blithely] Just slicing some cheese.
INFP: [somewhat loudly] If you can, cut them a little thinner.
the ENTP: Oh, okay.
INFP: [softly] Thanks.
ENTJ: Yo, don't yell at her.
the ENTP: I didn't see that as yelling.
INFP: Take a break for awhile. Try this. [hands out cracker creations]
the ENTP: Oh, onions. There's no meat involved?
INFP: No, try it.
the INTP: Mmm, this is good.
the ENTP: Oh, I like it, and I usually don't like onions.
the INTP: Me, too. I was skeptical about this, but I was gonna eat it anyway.
ENTJ: [from other room] I need some assistance over here!
the ENTP: What is he doing?
the INTP: Who? ENTJ?
the ENTP: Yeah.
the INTP: What does he ever do?
INFP: Here, try this. [hands cracker creation to ENTJ]
ENTJ: [swallows in one bite]
the INTP: You didn't even taste it. You just like ate the whole thing. [offended for cracker creation's sake, not INFP who made it]
ENTJ: Good shit, right?
INFP: [long elaboration on his cooking process]
the ENTP: [walks over to see what ENTJ is doing, sees same computer game as earlier] Oh, this lame ass thing again.
INFP: It's fun...for those with an imagination [wistfully about computer game].

[End footage]

Dialoguing Clumsiness

One common grounding point the INTP and I share in our personalities is our mutual physical clumsiness. We know this well about each other and expect nothing less.

the ENTP: Woke up this morning, thought I had appendicitis. Turns out the pain in my side is just 'cause I ran into a doorknob yesterday.
the INTP: Of course.
the ENTP: Need to use automatic doors more when available.
the INTP: That would be efficient.

the INTP: I almost knocked down a newborn just now.
the ENTP: That sounds about right.

the ENTP: Last time I tried to unplug my laptop, I almost ripped this lamp straight off the wall without even noticing.
the INTP: Naturally. No effort needed.

an INFP: (comes to me frantically, expressing concern over the INTP's state) She just slammed the door on her head.
the ENTP: (expressionless) Oh, I'm used to this.

Romantic times with an ENTJ

ENTJs and INTPs are supposedly an ideal match. Let's explore how that may be the case...

HIM: (asks some computer questions)
ME: (avidly answers, expounding on them to the extent of an extrovert)... ask me more computer questions, it makes me feel sexxeee
HIM: (laughs) NERD

--

ME: (while playing footsies) it's getting hot... o0o0o time for the socks to come off... (takes off socks, smells them) ooohh yeaahh they smell cleeeaan... I bet that's sexy huh (throws socks at guy's face)
HIM: (laughs) ew, asshole

--

ME: (lying on a couch on a random building, sleeping)
HIM: (punches me really hard on the ass)
ME: AGGHHHH AAAAHHH OOOOUCH WTF THAT HURT A LOT ASSHOLE
HIM: (laughing uncontrollably)
ME: (getting up as soon as the pain allows it, chasing ENTJ until I grab a hold of him and bite him as hard as I can on the arm)
HIM: AAAGHHH YOU BIT ME WTF
ME: (laughs)

--

ME: (excitedly running to meet ENTJ guy) ...so guess what? my perfect match is an ENTJ
HIM: ...
ME: that's you dumbass
HIM: ... man that's horrible
ME: whaaat?? whyy??
HIM: I feel bad for anybody who has someone like me as their perfect type


Analysis (no conclusion here): The ENTJ appears to be cool and detached, yet entertaining and interested in the uniqueness of people. The INTP loooves being seen as a unique individual. Thus, the ENTJ makes it very comfortable for the INTP to come out to the world and play. Instead of the reactions the INTP expects from people, which are to simply dismiss the INTPs quirks, the ENTJ seems delighted in them, and they carry on this attitude with all people, so the INTP doesn't feel that it is attention given for the sake of attachment but rather out of a genuine interest in what the world has to offer. This is very attractive. And very few compliments have the effect of being called an 'asshole' in this manner. This is almost a match made in heaven except for the likelihood for the INTP to get really really hurt as the ENTJ has been likened to the personality of the devil. No matter what, the ENTJ will never get attached. The INTP both likes and dislikes this. Well, for a type who favors uncertainty so much, maybe it is after all a match made in heaven.

INFJ + INTP

The conclusion I always reach is that we're stuck in fantasy loops. And this is what's been happening so far:

INFJ guy seeks out INTP girl. Constantly.
(from here on I will just say 'Guy' and 'Girl')
Girl likes the attention. A lot.
Guy and girl have many obscure tastes in common.
Girl makes guy laugh often.
Guy makes girl laugh at times.
Girl likes a lot of physical contact with guy.
Guy is always traveling.
Girl likes that. It makes things more interesting.
Guy is very expressive of his feelings. He says things like 'i miss you' a lot. Or, 'come over.' Girl likes this.
Girl reciprocates.
Girl never knows how to start anything. When she does, she pretty much copies the patterns of Guy, and feels somewhat uneasy/fake about it, but doesn't know of any better choices. Girl likes guy and would like for this to continue for as long as it can. Girl thinks it is surprising it's still going on.
Girl finds guy to be very sensitive. She makes every effort to not offend him or make him feel unwanted.
Girl finds this somewhat tiring. She wishes sometimes she could just be blunt. She sometimes doesn't want to reciprocate the expressions of care because she's not feeling it at that moment, though she appreciates these expressions. However, if she doesn't reciprocate she wonders if that will mean to Guy that she's not interested. She wonders if this should go on when it takes so much effort.
Moreover, Girl doesn't find that she is seen very often. Only when she is blatantly obvious about who she is. She starts to crave understanding. She finds she can only give this to herself. Guy doesn't seem to get it. Moreover, Guy seems to like Girl a lot because of what Girl means to him. This meaning is something that Girl suspects to not really be like her. Girl suspects that Guy wants to validate his own existence through his interactions with Girl. This would be fine, but, Girl would also like her existence validated. The expressions of care seem to be devoid of something. And Girl wonders if there is a time when content fills the void. Or if by prolonging the situation, we are simply deepening the void. Girl suspects that content was supposed to be there to begin with. Girl gets angry at not knowing what she has done, what she is doing, or what she will do.
Girl wonders if it really matters anyway. Guy is probably not thinking about it.
It's just, I guess, Girl wants to make sense of things. And these things never seem to make sense.

"What would each temperament say to..."

While googling for some info about temperament interactions (still not getting what I was searching for, Google), I came across this INTJ forum that poses the question above. I thought this was funny 'cause it's true:

To the statement "I love you"

NT: I don't understand this "love"
NF: I love you, too
SJ: Prove it to me by being reliable and thoughtful
SP: How do you define love?

incapable of love?

Sometimes I think NT people are incapable of love beyond theoretical abstraction or fleeting moments of intensity (or maybe it's just ENTPs or maybe just me). First, as rationals (NT) temperament-wise, we want things to be rational and efficient, and love is, by all popular consumer definitions, neither rational nor efficient. Almost by default, this makes love rather repellent to NTs, like we want to eliminate it all together so that we can live in peace and productivity. I get how intoxicating the feeling is and I often get carried away with the whole notion of it myself, but that's all in very abstract, idealistic terms. The experience of this emotion still eludes me. I can honestly say that I've never been in love with anyone (outside of myself anyway) nor can I imagine myself ever being consumed by this emotion over another human being, not even those closest to me. The idea of them maybe or the role they play in my life, but never them themselves. This brings me to my second point, which is that I think love is more a S and F thing. This would include all temperaments (SP, SJ, NF) except NT. Obviously, F people would be into love by the very nature of the F dimension valuing feelings over logic. And love to them would probably be the most powerful feeling, something they value above all else (probably more difficult for men than women due to socialization). NFs are probably more swept away by the profoundness of love and SFs more by the concrete experience of it. S people (even STs) experience love by the nature of the S dimension being more prone to strong sensations easily felt through experience. Love probably develops rather superficially for them at first and deepens with time (or not and divorce happens). People with either the S or F preferences, especially the E versions, are more people-dependent: the F powering the need for emotional connection with others and the S powering the need for social affiliation. The NTs, devoid of either of these forces dominating our personalities, almost have no need for love.

Now onto the ENTP personality: Es are naturally more externally focused and therefore socially-inclined because we like to interact with others for the sake of self-expression. This makes ENTPs more people-dependent (at least superficially), but not for the S or F reasons of social affiliation or emotional connection. We just like interacting is all; it's energizing. The NT pulls us away from true people-dependency because we are perfectly capable of functioning in solitude. We have strong loner tendencies, even if we do choose to be surrounded by people. The P further drives us away from dependency of any kind because we have no sense of permanence or stability outside our own immediate consciousness. This makes human attachments, which love embodies, all the less likely or sustainable. In essence, love for ENTPs is mostly to feed our E needs for expression and interaction. Love is then the permanent audience. It validates our existence, and is powerful almost for this reason alone.

conclusion: The E in me will always want love, the P in me will never be able to hold onto it, and the NT in me will believe I ultimately don't need it. What a sad yet oddly self-consoling combination. I can see this dysfunction on endless loop for years to come. "I want it because I can't have it, not because I need it" or "I want it, lost it, didn't need it anyway"

Prison Rape Humor

Okay, this may not be about dating or misadventures exactly, but it is rather tragicomical (if you have a rather demented sense of humor like myself)...

So the INTP and I were touring some historical prisons (highly recommended, btw) and blithely listening to the stories and facts being dispensed by the audio device given us. This one part talked about love stories blossoming between inmates in male prison cells, followed by the caveat "However, they may at times be one-sided." I damn near fell to the floor laughing because this is the scenario I see in my head:

ENFP prisoner: (flamboyantly) I love you so much!
ISTJ prisoner: (meekly) Please stop raping me...

I mean, how else can you picture this unrequited love story playing out?

Make-out misses

INTP me and an ISTJ guy are making-out. As usual, my mind wanders from the actuality of the moment to, well, just random things.

HIM (while making-out): So what are you thinking about?
ME: How come your dad doesn't live with you?
HIM: ... (look of confusion) THAT's what you're thinking about??
ME: Well, not right at this moment, but when you asked me that question, yea, that was it
HIM: Umm oook.. (now responding to my question) well.. I dunno, what does it matter?
ME: It doesn't really matter, just a random thought that flew through my mind
HIM: hmm (he seems to be thinking about this, he is probably unsatisfied with my answer and still wonders upon my motives for having that thought)

ME: (think to myself) But this is really not important, I was simply answering his question literally. Let's just make out some more. (so I make the move to continue making out...)

--

ME (realizing kind of later): He probably wanted to hear something sexy. Well, that didn't happen.

On possibly another date:
HIM (while making-out): mm... what's that thing you just did?

ME: a thing? umm... I don't know... I don't really know what I'm doing
HIM: Yea I can see that...
ME: (think to myself) hmm isn't that the kind of statements people tend to find offensive? oh well, if he still wants to make out, then he must be ok with what i'm doing however confusing... also, most people never say these things, so in a way, that is kinda cool

Analysis & Conclusion: I generally liked the straightforwardness of this guy. He bounced off of my honesty and gave me honesty back, constantly. I'm thinking this is due to us sharing the T. I found him attractive mostly based on that. Nevertheless, as honest as we were with each other we were never really on the same page. Overall, he found me confusing even if I always gave him answers to his questions. I think that the SJs (guardians) tend to want stability, and my P combined with my N makes me very flexible in how I function and see things. The lack of stability to me is exciting, because it keep things fresh and full of surprises, to him it seemed to be more of something that he couldn't really understand and settle down in his mind. Lastly, my main function, Introverted Thinking, makes me generally awkward in all things relating to feeling. I am capable of showing my feelings physically and mentally but I have no idea of how to do so in a way that fits the norms in society. Whenever I try it comes off as cold and fake, which I really hate. And when I do show it, the person may not be aware that it is a sign of affection, because it is done in a very personal sort of way. Therefore, ISTJ (duty-fulfiller) + INTP (thinker) is a very difficult bond to form since ISTJs love rules and standards, and INTPs love to see things in all sorts of ways.

I need answers, damnit!

an ISFP family friend upon first meeting me:

HIM: People may consider you masculine, but you in fact have a very feminine side.
ME: What? People consider me masculine?
HIM: Don't let that masculinity define you, for your femininity has much to offer.
ME: Who are these people who consider me masculine? By what measure are you defining masculine vs. feminine? Are we talking behavior, appearance, etc...? How pervasive is this conceptualization? Why are human beings even broken down into this arbitrary dichotomy? I understand the biological division, but I am clearly female there. Is this a society thing? Then, it's more an issue of perception. What about me do you perceive to be masculine? Or what do you perceive others may perceive as masculine? I mean, are there specific man attributes I'm displaying that are categorically different from women, if you take out the mediating factors of culture and education?
HIM: ...

conclusion: Needless to say, he has avoided making conversation with me ever since... But to this day, I am unclear about how I come across to people in terms of masculine vs. feminine. Other than the T (that's classically found more in men than women) and my love of athletics, nothing else I can think of about my personality really screams masculine. The ENP are fairly gender neutral. Physically, I guess there's my somewhat taller stature, but I don't really think I dress or act like a man. I mean, how do men and women even act that distinguishes them from each other? Maybe it's my attitude about things. Ugh, this is going to drive me nuts for years to come...

Experiment with truth and enthusiasm...

ENTP me + INTP guy

So I generally have a tendency to be a pathological liar about personal facts when first getting to know someone just in case the person is some axe murderer or stalker. I also tend to be easily discouraged in interpersonal relationships, so I'm generally more reactive and less enthusiastic if I don't sense directly that I am welcomed and wanted in people's lives. Thinking that these two factors together might be very distance-producing in dating situations, I thought I'd go against my nature and try some active truths and enthusiasm. And this was the result...

first date:

HIM: (asks simple question about my parents)
ME: (reply with entire monologue about my childhood and family history)
HIM: ...
ME (realizing that might be more than he asked for): Oh, was that too much information?
HIM: Yes.
ME: (energetic transition into different topic)
--
HIM: (time for goodbye, looks at me blankly)
ME: Should we hug or something? (weird hug like we're frat brothers) This was fun! We should go out again soon. How about an art museum?

HIM: I'll call you tomorrow. (said like an interviewer, leaves awkwardly)

last date:

BOTH: (scintillating conversation about our similarities in almost all areas of life)

HIM: (simple observation about an ornament on my desk)

ME: (discourse on the origins of each object in the vicinity and what they mean to me, then realizing this again might be too much information) Oh, sorry was I just rambling?

HIM: A little bit. (silence, then suddenly takes my hand and starts playing with it)

--

HIM: (time for goodbye, looks at me blankly)

ME: (in my head) Wow, this part will never not be awkward with us. (stepping closer to make it easier to initiate physical intimacy)

BOTH: (some awkwardness ensued)

ME: Let's go mountain climbing next time! Maybe next week.

HIM: (silence)

after not communicating for a few days:

(normally I just move on, but no still on this truth and enthusiasm kick)

ME: (email about liking our rapport, some stuff going on in my life, and my determination to spend more time together -- kind of a long email)
HIM: (exact reply email) While I found our dates very enjoyable, I think we lack some sort of chemistry. I don’t think we should continue dating. Good luck with your life.
ME: (immediate reaction) WTF?!?! with this chemistry nonsense! That’s what I get for trying! Lesson = no more truth and enthusiasm from me! Oh great, now I'm sad. (half an hour later) That was perhaps the most straightforward and diplomatic breakups I've ever experienced. Good closure. No messy drama. No blaming. Final with no room for confusion. But still fair and amicable. There needs to be more like this.

conclusion: I think we actually might have worked had he been more willing to stick it out and I been less overwhelming. I mean, we're both perceiving rationals. Both share a love of debate and a playful flexible air. Frickin' three out of four letters! Plus the complimentary E/I dichotomy! Though, the double P combination did make us very indecisive together, which might get annoying if I end up always being the one having to initiate stuff by default of my E since we're equal in other dimensions (NTP). That places the burden of responsibility on me, which the P in me will not want. Still, I don't see this as that great an obstacle in the end, but who knows. Oh but the double T combination, on the other hand, especially with his I+T, intimacy was near impossible. I can't even imagine what two INTPs together would be like. But this awkwardness probably improves with time?

pro: Natural verbal flow (despite my over-sharing), immediate understanding.

con: Physical awkwardness (characteristic of two Ts attempting intimacy), don't try this at home.

visionary + idealist = :(

ENTP me + INFP guy

first date:

ME: What quality do you like about me?
HIM: You are essential.
ME: ??? Please explain.
HIM: (incomprehensible stringing together of words not equating an explanation or meaningful sentence, the word “essence” was emphasized several times without a reason why)
ME: I don’t understand.
HIM: You are just essential.
ME: (in my head) I don't think that's even the right way to use that adjective. Essential by itself here means nothing. Does he mean I'm essential to him as in he needs me in his life? But that is not my question. This conversation is useless. Let’s make out in the middle of the street here. (out loud) Let’s make out in the middle of the street here.

last date:

HIM: (a question about my political views)
ME: I guess you can say I’m liberal among the conservatives and conservative among the liberals.
HIM: So who are you around me? Do you feel yourself or like you have to pretend?
ME: (in my head) What? How? There’s no logical connection between what I said and his question. Why does he ask it like there is? (out loud) What do you mean?
HIM: (I actually don’t remember his reply but it was definitely something I found confusing)
ME: (in my head) Wow, this will never work out. It’s like impossible for us to understand each other. Why do we even bother talking? Let’s make out on this train. (out loud) Let’s make out on this train. (in my head) Aww probably for the last time ever. (out loud) Aww.
HIM: What?
ME: Nothing.

conclusion: Clearly an E+T/I+F clash. F people apparently have more trouble understanding me in any meaningful or logical way. And this INFP guy did not communicate in a way that I understand either. The I+F combination did make me feel like the center of his world, which was delightful. But it was one confusing, unintelligible world. We might have worked if I had less a need for outward understanding over inward caring at the time and him less a need for inward caring over outward understanding.

pro: Natural physical flow, immediate attraction.

con: Verbal awkwardness, immediate confusion.

"it would suck to be an INTP female"

When googling 'INTP female', some interesting links come up. One of which is a comical forum thread titled as above (http://personalitycafe.com/intp-forum-thinkers/3730-would-suck-intp-female.html). Former findings, pasted below, may explain these enthusiasts' intuitions:

Gender issues are especially pointed for the INTP female. While all of the internal conceptualizing, however misunderstood, may be tolerated in a male, society is less likely to tolerate the same characteristic in a female. The absentminded professor is another image more conventionally male than female. This creates at least three special problems for the INTP female: First, women historically have not been looked upon as the architects of much beyond their own homes and families. The constant desire to make life conform to a theoretical model, while true to the INTP preference, flies in the face of traditional female roles. Second, conceptual originality is similarly not a traditional female trait. Some INTPs, asked the time of day, would be tempted to expound on the philosophical meaning of time; this eccentricity in a man may be looked upon as the result of overintelligence, in a woman it may result in her being labeled "dizzy" or even "dumb." Finally, the Thinking preference of INTPs directly counters most females' scripting to be subjective, soft, and caring. Even worse, when an INTP female's feeling side does surface, it often does so with intensity, an outpouring that can be frightening to both herself and others. (http://morriscat.50megs.com/type/intptype.html)

That which is blue, is for me, very very true >.<